Well kids, it turned out to be an issue with the fact that they changed to phpsuexec and didn't tell anybody.

It requires an entirely new php.ini to run. Here's an example php.ini if your host also has phpsuexec:

Code:
    [PHP]
    engine = On
    short_open_tag = On
    asp_tags = Off
    precision    =  12
    y2k_compliance = On
    output_buffering = On
    zlib.output_compression = Off
    implicit_flush = Off
    unserialize_callback_func=
    serialize_precision = 100
    allow_call_time_pass_reference = On
    safe_mode = Off
    safe_mode_gid = Off
    safe_mode_include_dir =                        
    safe_mode_exec_dir =
    safe_mode_allowed_env_vars = PHP_
    safe_mode_protected_env_vars = LD_LIBRARY_PATH
    disable_functions =
    disable_classes =
    expose_php = On
    max_execution_time = 1500
    max_input_time = 6000
    memory_limit = 64M
    error_reporting  =  E_ALL & ~E_NOTICE
    display_errors = On
    display_startup_errors = Off
    log_errors = On;
    log_errors = On;
    ignore_repeated_errors = Off
    ignore_repeated_source = Off
    report_memleaks = On
    track_errors = Off
    error_log = error_log;
    error_log = error_log;
    variables_order = "EGPCS"
    register_globals = On
    register_argc_argv = On
    post_max_size = 200M
    gpc_order = "GPC"
    magic_quotes_gpc = On
    magic_quotes_runtime = Off   
    magic_quotes_sybase = Off
    auto_prepend_file =
    auto_append_file =
    default_mimetype = "text/html"
    include_path = ".:/usr/lib/php:/usr/local/lib/php";
    doc_root =
    user_dir =
    extension_dir = "/usr/local/lib/php/extensions/no-debug-non-zts-20060613"
    zend_extension="/usr/local/IonCube/ioncube_loader_lin_5.2.so"
    zend_extension_ts="/usr/local/IonCube/ioncube_loader_lin_5.2_ts.so"
    extension="eaccelerator.so"
    eaccelerator.shm_size="16"
    eaccelerator.cache_dir="/var/cache/eaccelerator"
    eaccelerator.enable="1"
    eaccelerator.optimizer="1"
    eaccelerator.check_mtime="1"
    eaccelerator.debug="0"
    eaccelerator.filter=""
    eaccelerator.shm_max="0"
    eaccelerator.shm_ttl="0"
    eaccelerator.shm_prune_period="0"
    eaccelerator.shm_only="0"
    eaccelerator.compress="1"
    eaccelerator.compress_level="9"
    extension="suhosin.so"
    enable_dl = On
    file_uploads = On
    upload_max_filesize = 200M
    allow_url_fopen = On
    default_socket_timeout = 60
    [Syslog]
    define_syslog_variables  = Off
    [mail function]
    smtp_port = 25
    sendmail_path = /usr/sbin/sendmail -t -i;
    [Java]
    [SQL]
    sql.safe_mode = Off
    [ODBC]
    odbc.allow_persistent = On
    odbc.check_persistent = On
    odbc.max_persistent = -1
    odbc.max_links = -1 
    odbc.defaultlrl = 4096 
    odbc.defaultbinmode = 1 
    [MySQL]
    mysql.allow_persistent = On
    mysql.max_persistent = -1
    mysql.max_links = -1
    mysql.default_port =
    mysql.default_socket =
    mysql.default_host =
    mysql.default_user =
    mysql.default_password =
    mysql.connect_timeout = 60
    mysql.trace_mode = Off
    [mSQL]
    msql.allow_persistent = On
    msql.max_persistent = -1
    msql.max_links = -1
    [PostgresSQL]
    pgsql.allow_persistent = On
    pgsql.auto_reset_persistent = Off
    pgsql.max_persistent = -1
    pgsql.max_links = -1
    pgsql.ignore_notice = 0
    pgsql.log_notice = 0
    [Sybase]
    sybase.allow_persistent = On
    sybase.max_persistent = -1
    sybase.max_links = -1
    sybase.min_error_severity = 10
    sybase.min_message_severity = 10
    sybase.compatability_mode = Off
    [Sybase-CT]
    sybct.allow_persistent = On
    sybct.max_persistent = -1
    sybct.max_links = -1
    sybct.min_server_severity = 10
    sybct.min_client_severity = 10
    [dbx]
    dbx.colnames_case = "unchanged"
    [bcmath]
    bcmath.scale = 0
    [browscap]
    [Informix]
    ifx.default_host =
    ifx.default_user =
    ifx.default_password =
    ifx.allow_persistent = On
    ifx.max_persistent = -1
    ifx.max_links = -1
    ifx.textasvarchar = 0
    ifx.byteasvarchar = 0
    ifx.charasvarchar = 0
    ifx.blobinfile = 0
    ifx.nullformat = 0
    [Session]
    session.save_handler = files
    session.use_cookies = 1
    session.name = PHPSESSID
    session.auto_start = 0
    session.cookie_lifetime = 0
    session.cookie_path = /
    session.cookie_domain =
    session.serialize_handler = php
    session.gc_probability = 1
    session.gc_divisor     = 100
    session.gc_maxlifetime = 1440
    session.bug_compat_42 = 1
    session.bug_compat_warn = 1
    session.referer_check =
    session.entropy_length = 0
    session.entropy_file =
    session.cache_limiter = nocache
    session.cache_expire = 180
    session.use_trans_sid = 0
    url_rewriter.tags = "a=href,area=href,frame=src,input=src,form=,fieldset="
    [MSSQL]
    mssql.allow_persistent = On
    mssql.max_persistent = -1
    mssql.max_links = -1
    mssql.min_error_severity = 10
    mssql.min_message_severity = 10
    mssql.compatability_mode = Off
    mssql.secure_connection = Off
    [Assertion]
    [Ingres II]
    ingres.allow_persistent = On
    ingres.max_persistent = -1
    ingres.max_links = -1
    ingres.default_database =
    ingres.default_user =
    ingres.default_password =
    [Verisign Payflow Pro]
    pfpro.defaulthost = "test-payflow.verisign.com"
    pfpro.defaultport = 443
    pfpro.defaulttimeout = 30
    [com]
    [Printer]
    [mbstring]
    [FrontBase]
    [Crack]
    [exif]
    extension=pdo.so
    extension=pdo_sqlite.so
    extension=sqlite.so
    extension=pdo_mysql.so
    extension=ffmpeg.so
    extension=phpshield.5.2.lin
    [Zend]
    zend_extension_manager.optimizer=/usr/local/Zend/lib/Optimizer-3.3.0
    zend_extension_manager.optimizer_ts=/usr/local/Zend/lib/Optimizer_TS-3.3.0
    zend_optimizer.version=3.3.0
    extension="ixed.5.2.lin"
    extension_ts="ixed.5.2ts.lin"
    zend_extension=/usr/local/Zend/lib/ZendExtensionManager.so
    zend_extension_ts=/usr/local/Zend/lib/ZendExtensionManager_TS.so
    extension="ffmpeg.so"